The Doomsday Device

Who knew that building a doom device would be so difficult? It’s complicated and expensive. These are the kind of things they don’t teach you at the STA (Super-villain Training Academy, not to be confused with the STA; the Superhero Training Academy). Not all of us took Bank Robbing 101, which means funds can be kind of tight. How am I supposed to buy the best electrical supplies around Cheltenham, when I’ve got three cents in my bank account? I tried getting the cheaper, online supplies, which, to put it simply, is why we’re on Project Giant Robot v2. 

I’ve started working part-time at the grocery store down the street just to pay the power bill. Thank goodness none of my colleagues from the academy live around here. Is that Dr Dark McBane, evil scientist extraordinaire working at the supermarket? I think I’d just about die of embarrassment, or eagerly await the day that Version Two blows up and takes me with it.

If I could just get that government grant, I’d be able to walk straight into the hardware store. Cheltenham has one with everything I need to complete the project. Unfortunately, the government has rejected my last four requests. For some reason, they don’t seem too interested in a giant robot with chainsaws for hands. Last time they said that it was a ‘danger to the city’, as if that wasn’t the whole point. Maybe I didn’t make my intentions quite clear enough.

It’s hard, with all the news coverage on One-Eyed-Charlie, or Cyclonn as he’s been dubbed. When am I going to get given my super-villain name? There’s so many ways you could go with Dark McBane, but all the other super-villain students just called me Nerdy McNerdface. How original! Well, I’ll show them. I’ll go ask my manager at work for a raise, then I’ll be able to afford the parts to complete the robot. We’ll see who they call Nerdy McNerdface then!

-A very frustrated Dark McBane