A Shocking Employee

You know, when I was a lad, no one ever took me seriously. I’d solve the mystery of perpetual motion or resurrect animals as revenants under my control, and they’d all just say things like “Aww, little Timmy is up to his science again, he’s so cute!”

Ugh, being a genius child was such a drag. I kept saying that one day I’d have a golden lab, and my parents said that I’d be able to get a dog if I kept my room tidy. No, you halfwits: a golden lab. A laboratory made entirely of gold, so that I may flaunt my scientific success! When I became older I became apprenticed to a number of residential electricians in the Bayside area, but they tended to end poorly when they found out that I simply wanted to learn about electricity for dark experiments, not home rewiring or electrical installation. Admittedly, I do have a sense of honour regarding the integrity of one’s work, and I respect that they were simply electricians trying to do their jobs while I rewired their jobs for my own purposes and took heavy batteries home despite them not belonging to me.

I may be utterly mad, but I do have principals. If you don’t have those, you’re not really a scientist; just an unusually-intelligent madman with a penchant for beakers. Or mad woman. Anyone can be utterly bonkers. It’s a very egalitarian field.

So…electricians. To make up for my years spent disrespecting their trade, I put my dark experiments on hold and went with trying to make their jobs a little easier, hence the recent invention of the shock-dispersal gloves…you might have heard of them. Some cretin swiped my idea and presented it on Lizard’s Lair, although they got it totally wrong and were laughed out of the room after grasping a live cable and zapping themselves clean across the room.

Clearly they have none of the diligence of an electrician working in Cheltenham, and I would know. I made a lot of them miserable back in the day.

Anyway, back to using electricity to create a zombie army.