Dean Pad Deluxe

Finally, my time has come: I’m getting a private office. This is what I’ve been working for all these years. Forget the professional accolades, the awards and the personal satisfaction of achievement – it’s all about finally being able to dictate the finer points of my workspace. Now it’s simply a matter of figuring out what that looks like. 


I’m picturing the ultimate in minimalism, to the max. Or is it maximalism in its most minimal manifestation? No, definitely the first one. I’m taking clean lines, an all-white colour scheme – maybe with black accents, or red ones – and the whole scene lit by a system of app-controlled LEDs. There’ll be huge expanses of negative space, carved out around stylised furnishings imported from northern Europe and Japan. 


This will be the coolest designer office interior Melbourne has ever seen. It will be featured on international design blogs, and maybe even make it into the ‘lifestyle and leisure’ magazine in the Sunday paper (yeah, I know offices don’t really fit into the ‘leisure’ category, but apparently they do when it comes to Sunday papers).


I suppose I’ll need to start shortlisting office fitout companies. Within Melbourne, there’ll be a huge number of quality options, and this could well be the most time-consuming part of the project. There’s no room for getting it wrong, either – as a high-profile university dean, I can’t be seen to be frittering away funds on something as inconsequential as office revamps. I believe I can get away with one round of updates, but however it turns out, I’ll have to live with it for a while. It just wouldn’t be seemly to chop and change too often, given the university’s recent budget cuts to the arts department. 


With the right advice from a hand-picked team of consultants, though, I should be able to achieve my goal of a timeless and tasteful yet cutting-edge aesthetic that delights me as much as it impresses distinguished visitors, colleagues and competitors.